Immigration

Right, the plan for today is less walking, more relaxing especially since it was going to be very hot and humid. First stop was breakfast at another of our bookmarked places, Caffee E Torta. Tram time! I am going to miss these so much next week. Despite the heat and considering they are often quite full any time of day our fellow passengers always seem to be reasonably free of BO which is a blessing. The same cannot be said of other city's public transport users. An eye watering aroma on the Staten Island ferry springs to mind.

We went through a few Arcades and Laneways today and I'll try to remember their names. Or make them up, probably won't make any difference. Our first one was the Royal Arcade which ended in Gog and Magog, who rang their bells at the strike of three minutes past 10. Typical Australians, late.

Our genuine Italian cafe decorated with French posters, a huge map of North America in Chinese and a host who was completely Australian. Food was good, coffee was great and the setting very continental. Meaning we sat outside because it was small, cramped and hot inside.

A bit of local colour to terrify the tourists. I did finally get to show Louie who this Dame Edna Everage was, and that she was famous. He's now at least aware of her and Kath & Kim. Just Russell Coight and The Comedy Company to go (he's fully up to play on The Castle).

The Block Arcade was very Victorian with a heavy Christmas theme, and a famous high tea / cake shop near the entrance, called "The Historic Tea Rooms" I think. Going by the battalion of prams outside it was popular with the housewife set of CBD Melbourne and definitely not for us.

The last was a laneway / arcade called Centreway which was filled with street front food displays and delis, with everything you could want on offer. I've realised that we usually find these places just after we've had food and then forget to go back.

We got onto a tram at Flinders Station to head to St Kilda's Beach. It was a 20 minute ride so there was plenty of opportunity to examine the cars next to the tracks and there was a motley assortment of idiots on display. Some were right dogs.

On arriving at the beach (actually as soon as we got off the tram) we were beset with flies smacking into our faces and buzzing in our ears. It was pretty much constant, and I wondered if maybe we weren't as fresh as our fellow passengers but Louie reassured me that there were plenty of others furiously batting away flies as well. Oh for an Aussie cork hat!

As for the beach: two stars out of five. The waves were calm, the sand was nice and easy to get to and that's about it. Absolutely no interesting features other than a bloody long pier. It was a bit stinky as well.

Interesting to see these two make an appearance, so far I've seen them in Devonport, Melbourne and New York,

The St Kilda Pier. It was a nice walk out, looked at some rocks covered in penguin shit, inhaled the fragrance of sulphur and walked back again.

We were planning on walking past Luna Park to a internet famous cake shop but we were so sick of the flies we fucked off back to the city sharpish. Stand in a bathroom that has had the hot water running for four hours and the door closed, then introduce a few hundred annoying little flies and you'll get the picture.

Back in the civilisation of the CBD, we found a corporate type cafe called Oscars or Wanktons or something. I'm happy to report they call these things sandwiches here. The idotic habit of calling things "Sandos" hasn't taken off here like it has in NZ. I don't know why it annoys me, but by christ it does get on my tits.

After a quick phase of going into the Aquarium, gasping "fucking how much?" at the $53 per person entry fee and then leaving, we went a block up and went through the Immigration Museum. Firstly it was very air conditioned. Five stars. I didn't care if it just had a ticket stub in a glass case that said "some people moved here" - I'd give it five starts for the air conditioning. There were quite a few interesting rooms, and detailed histories of how the history of Australia is extremely shameful but didn't come across as negative somehow. More constructive and educating. Not much mention of New Zealand immigration, nor how those who move over raise the IQ of both countries. 

This massive great room was being set up for a Ted Talk. Didn't know they were still a thing, but there you go.

The top floor of the museum is dedicated to an exhibition about Joy. So this means psychedelic Tardis rooms, terrifyingly large stuffed rabbits, a 1990's style video store (no horror section and where the plastic curtain to the Adult movies should have been was the exit. So much for joy.

One of our favourite aspects of Melbourne.

We checked out Hosier Lane next, which was definitely a mix of street art and bullshit scribbling. All I know is if someone decided to decorate my wall like this I'd have a bucket of hot piss ready to pour down mid-spray.

The MCG in evening glory. I only have a passing interest in cricket and Louie has less than zero so this is about as close as we will get.

Dinner and desert were two repeats tonight, Il Mercato in time for the Pizza and Pasta stores to be open. It was fine. I think Melbourne does lunch food so much better than it does dinner.

The second repeat visit was to the place we visited on our first night here, Brunetti's for desert. Lychee and Raspberry & Mint choc  Gelati, Raspberry cake fudge ball thing, some Nutella cake erection and an espresso each to finish. Yes, we were able to get a hot drink after 4pm!

I spotted these on our way out, red velvet Swiss Rolls. Probaly look far better than they taste, but they looked so good!

So a day that was planned for relaxing turned out to be busier than yesterday. Our step count has been around 18,000 each day so all the food has maybe been balanced with the exercise.

Our last full day tomorrow, should be a little cooler so we might do more markets and some parks / gardens.

Birthday with the animals

My 53rd birthday dawned some time before we woke up, so by the time the curtains were drawn it was a blazing bright day. Uncharacteristically we had planned our activities so we didn't have to go through the usual guessing what the other would like to do and suggesting it. First stop was the South Melbourne Markets, with a visit to Cobb Lane. This is a place of much YouTube renown so it was one more place off our tick list.

Some definitely Melbourne prices in there but the quality was very good.

We went inside and found a place that sold all types of sandwiches and bakery things but a million times better quality than the normal. This is a photo of their pastry section because their savoury counter was too busy.

Breakfast of mortadella and mystery cheese (maybe mozzarella) on focaccia. Like luncheon mixed with salami, and tastes amazing.

The pastry from Cobb Lane was good but way too sweet. We were astonished and aghast that our self-imposed hype based on a couple of random internet mentions didn't quite measure up.

The markets are set up as well stocked stores, and there is all manner of foods and some other tat mixed in. I've put a bunch of photos below. Everything without exception was the most amazing food I've ever seen. The meats were either the same or cheaper than NZ, with beef mince about 2/3 the price.

The fruit and veges all looked like they were in the photos the local supermarkets put above the wilted soggy greens we get.

One very strange thing was the meat (passage / corridor / alleyway / shaft - I can't think of anything that makes it sound good) was red meat on one side and chicken on the other. So there were four butcheries with similar products all side by side and two or three chicken ones on the other side. Handy but cut throat I imagine.

Just looking at this much pastry in one place gave me heartburn but it was spectacular.

After our market we jumped back on the tram to the zoo. We bought the PT> (no idea why it's called that) card because the tram rides were all out of the free zone. We needn't have bothered. Absolutely nothing stopped us from doing any of today's trips free, other than a deep sense of Catholic guilt on Louie's part and whatever moral lessons I happened to accidentally pick up as my poor parents tried to drag me up kicking and screaming.

Anyway, we tapped on and off with absolutely no idea if it worked or not.

The zoo was confusing a bit, and we got lost often, despite the cheery bloke at the ticket box telling us how easy it was to get around. He didn't mention the frequent blocked paths and un-signposted entrances. The Tapir is in fact the only exhibit we actually arrived at by using the map and going there. It was literally just next to the front gate and we got promptly lost soon after.

This little bugger was bombing it around his pool so it was almost impossible to get a decent photo but he looked like he was loving it. 

Typical sleepy, lazy, doped up stinking Australian. That's who was next to me when I took a photo of a koala.

Bird, had big feet and a shiny head. I remember no other facts about it. 

As typical they were doing fuck all.

Tawny Frogmouth. It did some looking. Hot days seem to be not so great to see animals doing anything. 

Other than otters.

These monsters were absolutely bombing it around the butterfly habitat and this was the best I could get of them. Maniacs. 

By this stage it was hitting 30c so this poor chap must have been suffering.

It was about here we realised why it was a bit challenging to work our way around using the map; this is the front entrance which we spotted about half way around. We had come through the tram entrance which was at the bottom of the map. Bugger. 

At least we knew where we were at last

This was notable for two reasons. Firstly, there a bunch of penguins torpedoing around like crazy while the zoo staff were cleaning the water.

Secondly it was about here that I had to do some complex maths and worked out I am 52 today and not 53. Yay.

A dingo not stealing anyone's baby. There were a lot of small irritatingly noisy children I could have tried to recreate the movie with but apparently we aren't allowed to feed the animals. 

A lion looking hot, probably because he was.

Something very creepy about a curled up snake that just watches you. 

It took me a good minute to spot the tiger, clearly sitting out in the open. I've got a big zoom lens so it was a bit further away but still. When we all return to the jungle I'm gone by the first afternoon, my predator detecting skills are zero!

Glad it was Louie who said they look different than the video game and not me.

The Green Head Finned 6 toed Iguanadon.

We want this guy for summer. Get rid of flies in a jiffy. 

After a "rush hour" tram ride back the day was still blazing hot so we had for an hour or so. It's always a treat to step out of your hotel at 6:30pm and it's hotter than when you went inside. Luckily dinner was at a close by restaurant Collins Kitchen.

This place is attached to the Grand Hyatt so was reasonably swanky. Our host asked if it was a special occasion and Louie gladly told them it was my birthday. He reassured me they wouldn't do anything embarrassing because it's a 5 star hotel.

A Mai Tai with passionfruit foam. They definitely were not shy with the booze.

Elderberry cocktail.

Louie had steak with wanky French butter, which means it immediately dropped of the steak and tried to surrender. 

I had brisket which was 100x better than the other night's.

Overcomplicated coleslaw with too many bits and pieces, even had aniseed which is just strange. 

Mashed potato and fries, both excellent.

For desert Louie had affogato, which kind of just ended up being tepid milky coffee. 

Vanilla panna cotta with sour bits. Very good. 

And being a classy place they of course brought out this and proceeded to sing happy birthday to me. 

To finish off the night we went for a stroll through Central Melbourne. Still very warm, and tomorrow is going to be warmer. No plans as yet, so it could be interesting...