Birthday with the animals

My 53rd birthday dawned some time before we woke up, so by the time the curtains were drawn it was a blazing bright day. Uncharacteristically we had planned our activities so we didn't have to go through the usual guessing what the other would like to do and suggesting it. First stop was the South Melbourne Markets, with a visit to Cobb Lane. This is a place of much YouTube renown so it was one more place off our tick list.

Some definitely Melbourne prices in there but the quality was very good.

We went inside and found a place that sold all types of sandwiches and bakery things but a million times better quality than the normal. This is a photo of their pastry section because their savoury counter was too busy.

Breakfast of mortadella and mystery cheese (maybe mozzarella) on focaccia. Like luncheon mixed with salami, and tastes amazing.

The pastry from Cobb Lane was good but way too sweet. We were astonished and aghast that our self-imposed hype based on a couple of random internet mentions didn't quite measure up.

The markets are set up as well stocked stores, and there is all manner of foods and some other tat mixed in. I've put a bunch of photos below. Everything without exception was the most amazing food I've ever seen. The meats were either the same or cheaper than NZ, with beef mince about 2/3 the price.

The fruit and veges all looked like they were in the photos the local supermarkets put above the wilted soggy greens we get.

One very strange thing was the meat (passage / corridor / alleyway / shaft - I can't think of anything that makes it sound good) was red meat on one side and chicken on the other. So there were four butcheries with similar products all side by side and two or three chicken ones on the other side. Handy but cut throat I imagine.

Just looking at this much pastry in one place gave me heartburn but it was spectacular.

After our market we jumped back on the tram to the zoo. We bought the PT> (no idea why it's called that) card because the tram rides were all out of the free zone. We needn't have bothered. Absolutely nothing stopped us from doing any of today's trips free, other than a deep sense of Catholic guilt on Louie's part and whatever moral lessons I happened to accidentally pick up as my poor parents tried to drag me up kicking and screaming.

Anyway, we tapped on and off with absolutely no idea if it worked or not.

The zoo was confusing a bit, and we got lost often, despite the cheery bloke at the ticket box telling us how easy it was to get around. He didn't mention the frequent blocked paths and un-signposted entrances. The Tapir is in fact the only exhibit we actually arrived at by using the map and going there. It was literally just next to the front gate and we got promptly lost soon after.

This little bugger was bombing it around his pool so it was almost impossible to get a decent photo but he looked like he was loving it. 

Typical sleepy, lazy, doped up stinking Australian. That's who was next to me when I took a photo of a koala.

Bird, had big feet and a shiny head. I remember no other facts about it. 

As typical they were doing fuck all.

Tawny Frogmouth. It did some looking. Hot days seem to be not so great to see animals doing anything. 

Other than otters.

These monsters were absolutely bombing it around the butterfly habitat and this was the best I could get of them. Maniacs. 

By this stage it was hitting 30c so this poor chap must have been suffering.

It was about here we realised why it was a bit challenging to work our way around using the map; this is the front entrance which we spotted about half way around. We had come through the tram entrance which was at the bottom of the map. Bugger. 

At least we knew where we were at last

This was notable for two reasons. Firstly, there a bunch of penguins torpedoing around like crazy while the zoo staff were cleaning the water.

Secondly it was about here that I had to do some complex maths and worked out I am 52 today and not 53. Yay.

A dingo not stealing anyone's baby. There were a lot of small irritatingly noisy children I could have tried to recreate the movie with but apparently we aren't allowed to feed the animals. 

A lion looking hot, probably because he was.

Something very creepy about a curled up snake that just watches you. 

It took me a good minute to spot the tiger, clearly sitting out in the open. I've got a big zoom lens so it was a bit further away but still. When we all return to the jungle I'm gone by the first afternoon, my predator detecting skills are zero!

Glad it was Louie who said they look different than the video game and not me.

The Green Head Finned 6 toed Iguanadon.

We want this guy for summer. Get rid of flies in a jiffy. 

After a "rush hour" tram ride back the day was still blazing hot so we had for an hour or so. It's always a treat to step out of your hotel at 6:30pm and it's hotter than when you went inside. Luckily dinner was at a close by restaurant Collins Kitchen.

This place is attached to the Grand Hyatt so was reasonably swanky. Our host asked if it was a special occasion and Louie gladly told them it was my birthday. He reassured me they wouldn't do anything embarrassing because it's a 5 star hotel.

A Mai Tai with passionfruit foam. They definitely were not shy with the booze.

Elderberry cocktail.

Louie had steak with wanky French butter, which means it immediately dropped of the steak and tried to surrender. 

I had brisket which was 100x better than the other night's.

Overcomplicated coleslaw with too many bits and pieces, even had aniseed which is just strange. 

Mashed potato and fries, both excellent.

For desert Louie had affogato, which kind of just ended up being tepid milky coffee. 

Vanilla panna cotta with sour bits. Very good. 

And being a classy place they of course brought out this and proceeded to sing happy birthday to me. 

To finish off the night we went for a stroll through Central Melbourne. Still very warm, and tomorrow is going to be warmer. No plans as yet, so it could be interesting...

Arting and Parking

Today was a much sunnier affair but not much warmer. That's coming tomorrow onwards with a visit to the zoo and maybe the beach.

Our first stop was a cafe down an alleyway, and it definitely delivered. Very small and slightly cramped but very friendly and great coffee.

Decent sized cup, strong coffee and a splash of milk. Perfect. 

Ham and egg wrap - so good, real leg ham and I don't know how they did the eggs but they were the best. 

Exactly how we imagined Melbourne cafes, and glad we finally found one. We went past a few that changed from their trendy style to corporate whores, so it was getting to be a bit of a worry.

Not quite the pristine sapphire waters of the Shotover River, this holidays river is typical Australian mud brown. The travel has been a mix of trams and walking, so saved our feet quite a bit. There is a free tram zone surrounding the CBD and any stops outside of that cost. So this morning we got off at Flinders Station and a 10 minute walk got us to the Melbourne Gallery.

And past some pretty strange buildings. They really like their radio towers.

The solid edifice of the Art Gallery, I think I liked it but the thumbs up was just wrong. 

And so we ploughed through a variety of "art", here a Japanese woman has smeared some shit on a bit of wood. Super.

Yep, some ducting counts as art these days. It definitely wouldn't pass for actual ducting, it was full of gaps and shoddy pot rivets.

This bloke appears to be upset with these other two chaps... buggering about. The description had some nonsense about the duality of conflict but I think they got confused about the concept of being stabbed with a pork sword.

Never have I wanted to slap a statue as much as I did seeing these two.

Good to see even Degas recognised the trials of standing on dog shit. 

A room I could have happily spent hours in. So many paintings in all directions. They had displays where you could find info on the paintings but most of the details were about the frames. 

The gallery was good, but quite a bit was taken up with room after room of porcelain cups and glass bowls. Not enough 19th century landscapes for my liking. The main gallery was free entry, with specific exhibitions paid, which seemed like great value until you try and buy a custard square at the gallery Cafe. They can fuck right off with their $18.

After the gallery we walked through the botanical gardens which is quite big. Luckily it was still fairly cloudy otherwise we would have been stuffed. There are all sorts of massive trees, ponds and walkways throughout and happily only mad parrotish birds, no sign of bastard magpies.

The Shrine of Rememberance is very grand and imposing but obviously didn't leave much of an impact since they went right back to war 20 odd years later.

Great view from the top, and a reminder of how insane the Australian relationship with the First People is. The face on the building in the distance is an Aboriginal leader from the 1900's, and there are many other examples where their history and culture are celebrated but they still treat them like shit.

Next we headed into the botanical gardens and this sign pretty much sums it up. Everything was closed or being worked on, so we gave it up and moved on.

I got some shirts from the DFO outlet mall the other day and they were so comfortable I went back for more. And being there meant we could do another foray to the Juce Lab that resulted in a Mega Mango smoothie. Boost Juice just doesn't cut it.

From the DFO we took a long walk along the river front. Kind of like the Viaduct but fewer yachts and a lot bigger and nicer. Pretty much everything here is bigger and nicer other than the Yarra River, that's just like Auckland Transport. A bit shit.

What passes for CBD steet art I guess. There was a painting of Tama Iti as well for no adequately explained reason.

Once again the Tram was our saviour. We are definitely getting used to it, changing trams between cross and main streets with the certainty it's going where you want it to because it's on tracks.

One astonishing thing we saw was the police pull up a guy on a food delivery scooter who did something wrong at the lights. That is absolutely unheard of in NZ, they can't do anything about mass crowds of jackasses on bikes while here they deal with the buggers.

After a bit of a rest at the hotel we headed out for dinner and Easey's, a place we saw on a few YouTube videos. We got an Uber which dropped us in the middle of Collingwood surrounded by grafitti and no sign of a restaurant. After a second of prentending to sound like we were in the right place we turned the corner and saw we were all good. The seating is in the left hand train, not sure what's in the other two.

There is an elevator but they sent us up the stairs, all four floors of it and all looking like this.

To the carriage what was a lot cleaner than it looks.

We've had two smash burgers now and they've both been fantastic. This one even more so. Crispy edges but still juicy in the middle, fantastic BBQ sauce and mayo with a side of oozy mac & cheese.

A stroll down the road afterwards for a Piccolina ice cream, served by a young woman who was all too happy and delighted to be serving us at 9pm on a Tuesday night.

And a final snap for the evening, the Collingwood street where we had our ice cream. This goes on for quite a bit, with restaurants all along it, the buildings are all built 1800 / early 1900s and plenty of grafitti about but everything is clean. The footpaths are clear of rubbish and wee stains, everyone is just relaxed and having a good time. It's what K Road and Newtown should be.