I did a bit of a wander to find some dinner after my first blog but my walk to IHOP started to get me into a little bit of a sketchy area so I turned around and headed back to a supermarket I spotted on the way. The Rock n Roll Ralph’s was a wonderland of selection with so many things that I wanted to buy!
Processed sugar overload!
Every kind of Goldfish you can poke a stick at.
And yes, of course I bought the Mandalorian branded ones.
After a brief sleep of 12ish hours and being very confused because it was still dark I realised the blinds in the hotel are extremely effective. And the LA midday sun is extremely bright.
The weather here is fantastic, warm and sunny, light breeze and dust and dirt everywhere because it hasn’t rained properly for 6 months at least. Apparently it’s illegal to wash your car at home or water your gardens more than twice a week. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Americans “doing their bit”, bloody softies.
After getting a T-Mobile sim and finally being able to summon a Lyft I had a fantastic ride with Temekia, who called me honey and my lovely, through Sunset Strip and Beverley Hills to my first stop of the day.
Just like going through Hastings, but not shit.
Wiltshire Boulevard and some traffic.
I’ve almost gotten over the urge to grab the steering wheel screaming “you’re on the wrong side”.
Almost.
After some GPS and maps looking and U-turns Temekia abandoned me where I guessed my stop was, with a enthusiastic “take care honey”. Happily it was the right place and I was at the easy to remember, just slide off the tongue “ Pierce Brothers Westwood Village Memorial Park & Mortuary”.
Such a cheery place to start any holiday off, but definitely a tourist spot for the used to be who’s who.
Those trees are everywhere here! The greenery seemed particularly healthy here…
Where the rich and famous go
I hoped whoever put their lips on these washed them. I certainly did.
I found the pair I was looking for, and so did an American family while I was there. The mum was disgusted with her teenaged kids who had no idea who any of them were so instead we swapped locations of who we saw where. The Dad said that Hugh Hefner started Playboy and one of the kids said “oh yeah, I know, I just googled him”. He seemed to give up at that point and went off to find Dean Martin.
After some more wandering about I headed off for Santa Monica Pier and my first taste of huge crowds of tourists and people flogging all manner of tat.
Fools, they spelt harbour wrong.
I think the first mission of GTA V starts around here somewhere…
Can you spot the British tourists? I recognised them before I even heard the accents.
At the end of the Pier, considered re-enacting the scene from Falling Down but then I noticed the water was not clean. At all.
The water is seriously manky
Who is the next customer in the dysentery ward?
I think I've driven down this beach a few times in GTA V
I got a fantastic frozen lemonade from Wetzel’s Pretzels - a proper lemonade with real lemons, but was still in serious need of a drink so I headed back up the pier. There was a break dancer on the pier telling the crowd that if they were going to pay him it would need to be at least $20 each because he had to share it with his crew. Not sure how that was everyone else’s problem but I decided to make it easier on him and gave my money to a homeless guy with a little dog. I had a great conversation with him about how they aren’t dogs, they are little people. After that he started singing to her about she was going to get some chicken to eat. Best decision ever.
Aw man, I have to walk up that
I wandered down a road and came across an open mall with a Tesla and a Nike shop on either side of the entrance, bastions of American consumerism so it must be good. Let’s say there wasn’t a Walmart or Dollar General there.
Nope, didn't even bother looking in the windows although I did enjoy the freezing air pouring out of the doors as I went past.
Because when you need a cupcake, you need one now!
The Cheesecake Factory - or part of it at least.
At this point I seriously needed a drink and something to eat and was satisfied on both counts.
A Santa Monica Brew Works 310 Blonde Ale, a Coke Zero and a Lemonade.
I asked for a Nick Wiger but got a blank look.
Southern Fried Chicken burger sandwich with a good number of pickles inside.
Was told we don’t do chips and got these - I forgot that these are only called fries here. Chips are thin, crispy and come in a bag.
Just a normal LA street…
WITH A GUY ON THE BUS STOP ROOF! I guess he just likes keeping away from other people.
I had an awesome ride back to the hotel with Felipe from Columbia. He drove like a madman on the freeway weaving through the traffic but his banter was top shelf. He wants to come to New Zealand and is convinced it’s such a small place he’ll probably see me there. Fairly unlikely the way he drives.
After some collapsing and resting of my feet I headed off to the apparently world famous Sunset Grill, which Don Henley named a song after. Confusingly it only has Hungarian food, but that was fine by me.
A berry mule and a coke
My own body-weight in chicken schnitzel. There was also a sizeable amount of potato something under all this. I got through two and it was over.
Sunset Boulevard, and the Hotel on the left of the photo.
This really reminded me of Napier on a summer evening.
Across the road from the Hotel is the Guitar Center, apparently a very famous guitar shop. I didn’t go in but there was a bit of a hall of fame in the entrance.
Eddie van Halen’s guitar
Slash, Michael Anthony and Jimmy Page’s guitars
The handprint hall of fame
I guess the foot belongs to the drummer
I hope they didn’t dig up Freddy Mercury’s hand just to make this imprint
Dirty old AC/DC
Sitting here writing this I’ve realised that I haven’t heard a single crappy Japanese car with a stupid big bore exhaust since I’ve gotten here. I was thinking that maybe over here there isn’t anyone with such an inferiority complex to need one. Then I heard a huge roar and thunder from the street outside and realised they don’t need big bore exhausts here, they actually have cars with decent engines. I can’t count the number of Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Maseratis, Vipers and Corvettes with a smattering of McLarens and Mercedes-AMGs I’ve seen so far.
Right, enough of this, tomorrow is another big walking day - down Hollywood Boulevard to buy tat, take photos of bits of footpath and avoid the street “performers” and their photo taking shenanigans.
I have finally made it back to the States after three years, sitting on an open deck in a warm LA evening very much enjoying a Blue Moon Belgian White beer - which could be the nicest beer I’ve ever had.
Some hours ago on this date and time (August 19, 6:30pm) I was sitting in the Auckland airport waiting to go to the gate for my flight. Now, it’s August 19 at 6:30pm and I’m in LA. Got here in no time!
I think my carry on bag weighed more than my luggage - bound to be the opposite coming back but damn do my cameras weigh a bit.
Will this Herbert managed to keep track of his passport this time? (So far, yes)
These airports love their long straight corridors - this was a sign of what was to come arriving at LAX, but that was on a far larger scale. Security took all of 5 minutes to get through and that included a whirring about scan as well. More of a delay was the twat at the foreign exchange ATM who was taking ages as the machine kept on telling him that he had insufficient funds in his many cards. He finally got a couple of hundred NZ dollars before telling me “I’m getting $2000, I tell you I’m going to be spending some serious money”. No you tool, you aren’t. He eventually gave up on the transaction declined messages and disappeared leaving me to get fleeced by the Travelex fees and commissions.
My row companion for the next 12 hours. Poor thing.
Plenty of leg room nearish to the pointy end, also helps if you’re short. Very easy to get up and out as well, thoroughly recommend Premium Economy. The food was a bit rubbish and the help yourself snack area was non-existent - Air NZ needs to take some pointers from Qantas.
I’m also pleased with my weight loss because I could put the fold out tray out without cutting circulation off to my legs.
All up it was a pretty OK flight, no oxygen masks dropping from the ceiling. Onboard WiFi is fantastic, you can message people at all hours from half way across the Pacific Ocean.
Fiji by night at 32,000 feet
Sunrise
Catalina Island, and what I took to be some rich wank and his floating gin palace on the right.
It’s a small island called Bird Rock.
A thing that I think I’ve driven down in GTA V
LAX was a bit of a pain, lots of walking (I did hit my steps target for today, might have to increase it to make it a bit more of a challenge) and some significant queueing for customs. For the second time, it was utterly disappointing by their efficiency and reasonableness. The man asked how long I was here for (I didn’t bother replying “depends if I find an old wealthy woman with a nasty cough”), how much money I had on me - if he was after a bribe I failed completely at his hint, and what I did for a job. He seemed confused that I was able to be released from work for 67 days - apparently maths is not a required skill for DHS agents since I told him 5 weeks. After that I was free to pick up my luggage and before I knew it I was on the outside breathing LA air. No checking the vast wad of paperwork I had printed attesting to my vaccination status, my permission to be there by Mr Biden or even the opportunity to declare fruits that I didn’t have.
The rideshare at LAX is both far busier and more utterly disorganised than at Auckland Airport. They did have a free shuttle bus and the awesome driver made sure the couple of elderly women he picked up along the way rode up the front with him.
I got a fantastic driver with Lyft and he gave me some great recommendations for places to eat (are you calling me fat? No, no don’t stop, tell me more places to eat great food) as well as his take on presidents (none of them actually do anything, although the orange baboon may have committed fraud a little more than the others), vaccines (they gave him arthritis for three months) and that I need to go to Tijuana.
LA is exactly like GTA V and various movies have educated me. The houses, traffic, roads and landscape all look how I imagined them. Palm trees everywhere and they are damn tall - three times the height of street lights tall.
The Moment Hotel is pretty cool, weird toilet, weird light switches, electric shade controls and a dual head shower - not as though the area is in an extreme drought condition or anything.
Now I’m off to get some dinner, either In-n-Out or IHOP and sleep!
Tomorrow probably Santa Monica Pier and Marilyn Monroe’s tomb. And a stop at T-Mobile so 2 Degrees doesn’t make me destitute with their daily roaming fees.
A quick trip to Christchurch with a day road trip to Westport & Greymouth. Very windy roads and bugger all mobile coverage - great fun trying to deal with work dramas.
Stopped in Reefton for something to eat and they seemed to be very proud they have electric lights. I assumed it was because they were so isolated they haven't realised the rest of NZ also has electricity. Wikipedia says it's because they were the first town to get them in the Southern Hemisphere but I suspect it's s combination of the two.
It was a very scenic trip back to Christchurch with the snow capped mountains in the sunset.
Coming back today I've managed to get to Wellington and not much further. My flight from Christchurch to Auckland was cancelled but I was able to get a replacement with a stop in Wellington. A long stop because they keep on delaying the second flight. And every other flight going by the endless announcements and pissed off travellers.
This does not bode well for the other flight I've got in six weeks time!
